I am winning this year’s Oscars pool if it kills me, and it might.
1. OK, no more excuses. This year, I am winning this Oscar pool. It's just educated guessing, right?
2. I got this!
3. Seriously, there are people who get perfect scores in their Oscar pools every year, there is no reason why I cannot be one of them.
4. But seriously: I'm going to do great at this.
5. OK, for Best Picture I'm gonna pick…
6. Um.
7. Um?
8. Um.
9. Shit.
10. Birdman or Boyhood?
11. Shit.
12. Um.
The Weinstein Company
14. I think I read somewhere about a dog or a cat or something that has correctly predicted the last seven Academy Award winners for something, is that a thing?
15. Am I just making that up?
16. Should I Google it and see if that's a thing?
17. I'm just going to say Boyhood. That's the safe choice, no need to get crazy so early on.
18. OK, Best Director…
19. Um.
20. Uhhhhh?
21. Uhhhhhhhhhhhh?
22. Shit.
23. Birdman or Boyhood?
24. Shit.
25. I should probably just go all in on Boyhood, right?
26. But Birdman did all that weird editing shit, that's probably more important.
27. Can I just write in a big B and then a bunch of scribbles so that if either one wins I can claim credit?
28. Best Adapted Screenplay… I feel like this should probably go to the movie where we noticed the screenplay the least.
29. Like if I cringed at any point during these movies because of the dialogue, that movie probably shouldn't win, right?
30. Which means that half of these movies definitely shouldn't win.
31. And the other half I haven't seen.
32. How am I already blowing this four categories in?
IFC Films
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