What does the success of MyGirlFund tell us about our relationship with technology and how we interact with the opposite sex in the digital age?
Alan White / BuzzFeed / Via mygirlfund.com
The truth is that when you first log in to MyGirlFund, it looks like you're on a porn site. You're presented with an array of women who are mostly scantily clad, and upon clicking on their profiles most of the descriptions tend to emphasise the various sexual photos and videos you can pay the women in order to see: stripping, using a dildo, performing oral sex on someone. Some of the women offer the option of cam chats, and others give rather more detail regarding their personal lives than you might expect — they mention that they have children, say, or are in education — but on the surface, the difference is subtle to say the least.
Perhaps MyGirlFund wasn't quite supposed to turn out the way things were planned back in 2008. In a company Q&A last year, the site's director of business development, Stefan Patrick, said:
Back in 2006, everyone was becoming aware of the power of web 2.0 advances: the social dimension. With backgrounds in transactional platforms [...] the founders were looking to build an online transactional community/social network. [...]
There are very few markets that attract customers willing to pay simply for socializing and only for digitally deliverable goods. Adult entertainment is one of those markets and it has the virtue of a low barrier of entry. [...] No one was getting the fact that guys wanted real interaction with girls and tools were now available to deliver that experience. Free porn was propagating like crazy and interaction was the one of the few things for which they were willing to pay.
So it sounds like MyGirlFund was designed to be — and rather looks like — a porn site with added interactivity: an online Babestation, if you will. But here's the thing. The more you talk to the women who are using the site, the more you realise something quite different and rather more complex is going on.
"Of course it's not just about sexy things, many guys and girls on the site want a friend. I know many that have recently had a loss in their family or just want to get away from reality of their day-to-day life, stress of their job, boredom, etc., and simply want to enjoy some female interaction, which is completely normal. I don't judge anyone and I'm here for anyone, even the ladies," says EnglishRose23. She's a 25-year-old single mother who enjoys "all the girly things you can think of," like horseback riding, swimming, and spoiling herself clothes shopping.
"Not only do guys join for fun," she says, "there are many reasons why they may choose to join. Some are in need of a confidence boost to meet women in the real world, and, personally, I'd ask who is better to give them advice of what to do or be like towards a woman in person?
"For instance, many guys are happy to have the friendship they have with me on here. They're already happily married, so meeting someone in person could get them into trouble, whereas online, it can't get complicated; they're not meeting anyone and feeling as if they're cheating on their loved one, because they're not."
EnglishRose23 is one of the first women I speak to on the site, and my initial instinct is somewhat sceptical. Perhaps she's been cherry-picked for me by the site's administrators as someone they knew would give positive feedback on her experience. But as I talk to more and more women, a relatively consistent and clear picture emerges of how and why they're using the site.
The next woman I speak to is Lenonie, a 43-year-old "happily divorced" woman from the South East: "Some of the guys just like to express themselves in ways they wouldn't feel comfortable doing in real life," she says. "It's nice to reassure them that it's OK to have fantasies, fetishes, etc. For some of the guys it's all they have. They like a lady to confide in, share things with, and become a friend, so yes, friendships are formed and it's nice to have regulars that I feel I know very well."
The more women I interviewed, the more I realised their responses were sincere. Indeed, some of them were genuinely surprised I was asking if the site was purely about sexual content.
Alan White / BuzzFeed / Via mygirlfund.com
"I've had lengthy conversations with people here that have been completely filth-free," says LondonBunny, a 23-year-old living in London. Her potted bio: "I freelance my way through life, taking on various different jobs, which is the way I like it. I like William Shakespeare and manatees."
"Thats what makes MyGirlFund human," she says. "People don't just want to talk about sex all the time, and if they do, it's nicer to talk about it to someone you feel you connect with, and that's one reason why the social side of MyGirlFund is vital, and a very good idea. Personally, I've never been in a situation where someone's come on too heavy or serious. I get the impression the majority of guys here know what's appropriate."
She tells me she's met someone on the site "who I'm sure will be a friend for what I hope will be a very long time." Likewise, PrincessKiss, who's 23, from the North, and enjoys "What most young women do, spending time with friends and family, shopping, clubbing, reading true crime and watching horror movies," tells me: "I have made a good few friends on here, they can tell me anything and I can tell them anything." She adds that's she is totally herself on the site – in part because she can be more open with her sexuality, which she couldn't be on other sites where her family and friends are watching.
RoseXXX is saving money for her travels. She lives in the North and is currently studying for her bachelor's degree in art history. She has a long-term boyfriend who is "extremely important" to her, and lists her main interests as film and travel.
"I've had guys pay me solely to talk with them before, without asking for videos or photos, etc.," she says. "And when I offer them, they don't want them — just a friend/cyber girlfriend. For example, I've had a guy on MyGirlFund who was openly homosexual, who didn't want a romantic relationship with me, just an online friendship. He was sweet!"
It's not like sex isn't to some extent a gateway: One woman I speak with has the username HollyBigBoobs. She tells me: "I've even found myself talking to my friends on MyGirlFund about stuff I just don't feel like I can talk about to my family or friends outside of this site. It's endearing actually, and I'm sure it works like that for some of the guys on MyGirlFund."
Holly comes across as a lady with a fairly distinctive personality. "I'm actually such a geek — anything sci-fi-related and I'm hooked. I'm such a book fiend — I pick a good read up and never want to put it down," she says. "I also love to party; it's one extreme to another with me." Like pretty much every women I speak with, Holly doesn't particularly alter that personality for her customers: "I'm definitely myself on here: I find that's the best way. Sometimes I do hold back on what I talk about personally though."
LondonBunny says much the same: "I generally dislike social media, but I do have a Tumblr. I have never had different persona for my online life. People can see right through those. I also think there's a real need to appreciate that the online and offline worlds are not entirely two different beasts," she says.
NaughtyJo is a 28-year-old mother of two — "I work a full-time job, so my only other hobby is my kids" — and as she puts it, "I do use other sites and some of the guys on there know me from [MyGirlFund]. I don't treat anyone differently or talk differently. Manners get you a long way. If you can't make a sale, making a friend has always been something I've tried to do."
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