This is what happens BEFORE “Happily Ever After.”
Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed
I was a bridesmaid at a friend's wedding who basically used her bridal party as slave labor. It all culminated on the day of the wedding, when she discovered that the dainty wooden fans to be placed on the chairs of the 160 guests had 'Made in China' stickers.
She screamed and cried until all three bridesmaids were down on our knees, going chair to chair scraping off stickers. I spent the wedding sucking tiny splinters out of my fingertips and nursing my broken hands.
—Anonymous
Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed
Weddings are beautiful, rare occasions that bring people together and bind them forever and remind you how very, extremely fucking single you are. When my BFFL got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor, I had a serious boyfriend, so I could be genuinely happy for her. I was so happy that I almost cried, and I only cry when I'm drunk. Four months before her wedding, I got dumped while I was in the shower. I went to her wedding stag, still mourning my breakup.
The night before the wedding, halfway through the rehearsal dinner, my BFFL waited until I had been placated with cake, then said, "Hey, soooo we have an uneven number of bridesmaids and groomsmen, so you're gonna have to walk down the aisle first, by yourself."
The next morning, the bridal party went straight into beauty mode. We were given mimosas while we endured having bobby pins shoved into our scalps. We were given more mimosas as we did our makeup. Then we were shuttled to the wedding venue, where we were given glasses of champagne to toast and sip while we got dressed. As my BFFL put her wedding dress on and adjusted her veil, I felt something happen: I was starting to cry. I only cry when I'm drunk.
Fifteen minutes later, I stared down the long slope of the grassy hill I'd have to walk down, by myself, drunk. I tried to remember this wasn't my moment, so if I ate it, no big deal. Three steps in, I tripped. Another three in, I tripped again. The entire walk was a series of small trips, but miraculously, I didn't eat it. Later at the reception, an exceptionally cute groomsman walked up to me and said, 'So glad you made it down the aisle, buddy! We were all holding our breath a little there!' Then he clapped me on the shoulder and walked away.
—Keely Flaherty
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