You monsters can pry my aspartame-filled life elixir from my cold, dead, and brittle-boned hands.
"Drinking Diet Coke is basically like ingesting poison."
You're so right, I'll be dead in minutes. Feed my cat, don't bury me wearing white.
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"All the caffeine in Diet Coke dehydrates you."
The only thing that doesn't dehydrate you is water and water-dense plants but I'm not casting judgment on your Triscuits, lady.
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"Diet Coke depletes your calcium, you know."
I've always felt my bones were too big anyway.
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"Babe, I feel like too much of our budget goes to Diet Coke."
Fine, I give up vegetables.
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