Let’s go with the nylon disco shorts. In silver.
1. Wow, so window display, many colours.
2. Wait, isn't this the place with the ads that look like porn?
3. Will these clothes make me look like porn?
4. Do I want to look like porn?
5. And why do only the women look like porn?
6. Whatevs, might as well pop in and check out the sale rack.
Naoise Dolan for BuzzFeed
7. That shop assistant is intimidatingly beautiful.
8. She looks like she's about to tell me that they don't stock peasant smocks and I should leave before they release the hounds.
9. Her cheekbones don't think I belong here.
10. Her cheekbones want me gone.
11. Everything here makes me feel poor and clownish.
12. Okay, I have to stay for long enough that cheekbones-girl doesn't get to think she's scared me off.
13. I'm not giving her the satisfaction.
14. Let's start with the sale rack.
15. She's definitely noticed that I'm starting with the sale rack.
16. But if you don't want people to start with the sale rack, don't charge the equivalent of a downpayment on a mortgage for an aubergine-coloured tube bra.
Naoise Dolan for BuzzFeed
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