Oh, you want my “résumé”? You mean this handy document containing every single one of my life’s failures? Coming right up.
"Résumé"
What it usually means: A piece of paper detailing your relevant work experience.
What it actually means: A piece of paper detailing every poor choice and bad decision you've ever made, waiting to vanish into the gaping maw of your job search never to be seen again.
Olivia Huyhn / oliviawhen.tumblr.com
"Parents"
What it usually means: The people who gave birth to and/or raised you.
What it actually means: The overlords who you will a) have to beg for money, b) lie to about how "fine" you are, and/or c) move back in with.
ThinkStock
"Homework"
What it usually means: A series of assignments meant to be completed after school hours in order to reinforce or learn new lessons.
What it actually means: SOMETHING YOU NEVER HAVE TO DO AGAIN BECAUSE YOU ARE AN ADULT NOW, THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER, GET OUT THERE AND FLEX YOUR NEWFOUND FREEDOM.
"Job"
What it usually means: Employment one performs in exchange for money.
What it actually means: An elusive, mystical-ass unicorn that always seems to dart away right when you get close, and how the hell does everyone else seem to have one but you, even that absolute moron who would never shut up about Ayn Rand in your Intro Psych class.
ThinkStock
No comments:
Post a Comment