“I hear ‘Game Stop’ and I may as well just hear ‘fap fap.’”
Julie Gerstein/Wikipedia
Express
"I hate to drop this in so early, but B A S I C."
"Express is for women who wear very serious businesswear for a somewhat unserious job."
"Express is a place you shop when you are post-breakup and 'getting back out there.'"
"Their editor pants were for people who would never be editors."
"I totally had a pair of editor pants."
Claire's
"You have shoplifted."
"You are shoplifting right now."
"You have an old-school Caboodle."
"You have ten ear piercings. On each ear."
"You write your letters with a purple pen with a feather poof on top."
"You loved milk pens."
Banana Republic
"You use a lot of evening cream."
"You calls pants 'a pant.'"
"You enjoy a good cowl-neck."
"The highest compliment to you is 'tasteful.'"
Brookstone
"You have a 'back massager.'"
"You are not honest about your sexual needs."
"You earnestly love life hacks."
"You've bought something electronic from a vending machine at the airport."
"You have a Droid."
"You've bought something special from Skymall."
Julie Gerstein/Thinkstock
Sunglass Hut
"You're definitely mysterious."
"Your favorite drinks are daiquiris."
"You probably want to go to Mexico real bad."
"You date a guy with a beeper."
"You are a guy with a beeper."
"You're a beeper."
Gamestop
"You're a teenage boy."
"I hear 'Game Stop' and I may as well just hear 'fap fap.'"
"Case closed."
Radio Shack
"Dad jeans."
"I would say YOUR DAD, but then, three times a year, this is me because I lose a cord or something."
"And beepers. Beeper guy is here."
"You are the human equivalent of those things that keep your sunglasses securely around your neck."
"You're a guy who has a cell phone holster."
"You're a 30-year-old guy who puts together remote control helicopters for fun."
"That's literally my dad."
"Fiscal conservatives, social liberals."
"You are definitely wearing a Red Linux cap you got for free from work."
"You are 2005 Shaquille O'Neal."
Hot Topic
"You're a disgruntled teen."
"Nobody understands you."
"You are Tumblr famous."
"You dated people you met in chat rooms."
"You were once ~kind of~ internet kidnapped."
"Linear relationship between amount of eyeliner worn and amount of Evanescence listened to."
Dick's Sporting Goods
"Solid. Upstanding. Mad boring."
"Basic, but decent."
"You have a 100 percent success rate at being able to shop at a place that is basically a penis joke."
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