You don’t want any of these people sitting near you right now. But they are, aren’t they…
The Gossip.
Did Dave go out for a drink last night with Sharon from HR? Is Kevin from accounts having marital difficulties? The Gossip doesn't just know: The Gossip wants to tell everyone all about it.
How to handle them: You may find their juicy tit-bits enticing, but they're one of the most dangerous colleagues out there. The Gossip specialises in making private lives public, so think like a public figure. Preferably Frank Underwood.
Keep The Gossip at a safe distance. When the shit hits the fan - and it will - you don't want people thinking you've been spreading rumours about them. At the same time, you need to know if things are being said about you. So when you need to engage, LEAVE NO TRACE. Do it verbally, not over email or Facebook.
Via tumblr.com
Captain Delegation.
This person has an interesting conception of "team work." Captain Delegation's version of collaboration involves asking you to do their job while they get on with the important task of watching football videos on YouTube and playing Flash games in their browser. They may even be less senior than you, but still, if you don't ask, you don't get, right? So they do ask, approximately 135 times a day.
How to handle them: Shut. It. Down. You're a bit busy. Even when you're not a bit busy and they only want you to pass them a stapler. The minute you show weakness, the precedent will have been set, and Captain Delegation is about to make your life very hard indeed.
The Credit Claimer.
"I've just done an Amazing Thing. Isn't it Amazing? Look how Amazing it is. Oh yeah, so-and-so helped out a bit, but basically it was my work. Goddamnit why has someone let down my car tyres again?"
How to Handle Them: Don't get dragged down to The Credit Claimer's level. The trouble is they've put you in a double bind: if you suddenly announce that Well Actually I'll Have You Know I Did Quite A Bit, suddenly you're the massive douche. Play the long game, don't be pushy and if the opportunity for a subtle way to make sure people recognise your input crops up, take it. Also, let down all their car tyres.
Via i.imgur.com
The Moaner.
Bastard offspring, weirdly, of The Gossip. It's just so enticing. If there's one thing that's more satisfying than gossiping about the people you work with, it's bitching about them. WHY won't someone fix the toilet light? WHERE is our promotion? HOW can that guy get paid so much for doing nothing all day?
The trouble is, if you spend too much time hanging round this character, you suddenly find that you've talked yourself out of any enjoyment you might once have had for the job and you're the biggest complainer in the office. Weirdly, none of your bosses have ever heard The Moaner complain about the job.
How to Handle Them: You're not the collaborator. You're their tender supportive pal. Yes, it IS hard. Have a hug. There there. Remember, you are a lion. This lion, to be precise.
Via ibnlive.in.com
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