These are some real stinkers.
I was sitting on the floor of a natural amphitheater with a couple of friends, when I knew that I had something special brewing. We talked while the previous night's Las Vegas, all-you-can-eat Mexican buffet and that morning's over-easy eggs and greasy sausage plotted their escape. I would be a liar if I told you there wasn't a bit of a push on my part, but I would be completely within the truth when I tell you I had no idea of the thunderous blast that was to be unleashed on this fine autumn afternoon. I have witnesses that counted no fewer than five echoes as the tremendous THRUPT! bounced around the hard, rock enclosure, causing families to swivel their heads around in a frantic quest to understand the source of the mysterious audio assault. Life is short. Just once, fart where you aren't supposed to!
I was in gymnastics when I was about 8 or 9 years old, and we were getting help with handstands, where the teacher would hold your back while you kicked up. When it was my turn, I had to fart SO BAD. I tried to hold it in, but that made it worse. It slipped out just as I went up, and went right in the teacher's face. She screamed, horrified, "SHE FARTED IN MY FACE," and dropped me. EVERYONE in the gymnasium heard. I never went back.